tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21189202243950977602024-03-13T01:36:43.097+00:00FunsterAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.comBlogger360125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-20568822849353130012017-01-10T19:57:00.000+00:002017-01-10T19:57:21.272+00:00Very Hard Riddles - Page 1<br />
You hear it speak, for it has a hard tongue. But it cannot breathe, for it has not a lung. What is it?<br />
Answer: A bell<br />
<br />
If you break me I'll not stop working. If you can touch me, my work is done. If you lose me, you must find me with a ring soon after. What am I?<br />
Answer: A heart<br />
<br />
I have a hundred legs but cannot stand, a long neck but no head; I eat the maid's life. What am I?<br />
Answer: A broom<br />
<br />
What does no man want, yet no man want to lose?<br />
Answer: Work (employment)<br />
<br />
A riddle, a riddle, as I suppose; a hundred eyes and never a nose! What is it?<br />
Answer: A sieve<br />
<br />
I have four wings, but cannot fly, I never laugh and never cry; On the same spot I'm always found, toiling away with little sound. What am I?<br />
Answer: A windmill<br />
<br />
He stands beside the road in a purple cap and tattered green cloak. Those who touch him, curse him.<br />
Answer: Thistle<br />
<br />
Two brothers we are, great burdens we bear, all day we are bitterly pressed; Yet this I will say - we are full all the day, and empty when we go<br />
Answer: A pair of shoes<br />
<br />
White bird, featherless, flyin' out o' paradise, flyin' over sea and land, dyin' in my hand. What is it?<br />
Answer: A snowflake<br />
<br />
Always old, sometimes new, never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls.<br />
Answer: The moonAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-75772410303456461042015-11-19T10:54:00.003+00:002015-11-19T10:54:43.713+00:00Secrets of a happy marriage <span style="font-family: inherit;">Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in New York.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-9426104896214565382015-03-05T16:03:00.000+00:002015-03-05T16:03:20.427+00:00Things to ponderIs it good if a vacuum really sucks?<br />
<br />
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?<br />
<br />
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?<br />
<br />
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?<br />
<br />
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?<br />
<br />
Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?<br />
<br />
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?<br />
<br />
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?<br />
<br />
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?<br />
<br />
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?<br />
<br />
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?<br />
<br />
Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?<br />
<br />
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?<br />
<br />
Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?<br />
<br />
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?<br />
<br />
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?<br />
<br />
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?<br />
<br />
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?<br />
<br />
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?<br />
<br />
Why is bra singular and panties plural?<br />
<br />
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?<br />
<br />
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?<br />
<br />
How come abbreviated is such a long word?<br />
<br />
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?<br />
<br />
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-55924480220173075402015-02-13T06:33:00.000+00:002015-02-13T06:33:56.801+00:00Things you never hear a woman sayCould our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.<br />
<br />
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.<br />
<br />
I think hairy butts are really sexy<br />
<br />
Hey, get a whiff of that one.<br />
<br />
Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpits are just too cute.<br />
<br />
This diamond is way to big.<br />
<br />
I don't even wanna put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.<br />
<br />
Wow, it really is 14 inches!<br />
<br />
Does this make my butt look too small?<br />
<br />
I'm wrong, you must be right again.<br />
<br />
I would give that 5 minutes....Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-56962753865995308322015-02-07T10:37:00.000+00:002015-02-07T10:37:15.449+00:00What the doctor really means1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "There is a lot of that going around."<br />
That's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.<br />
<br />
2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Welllllll, what have we here...?"<br />
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.<br />
<br />
3.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Let me check your medical history."<br />
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.<br />
<br />
4.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "We have some good news and some bad news."<br />
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.<br />
<br />
5.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Let's see how it develops."<br />
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.<br />
<br />
6.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Let me schedule you for some tests."<br />
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.<br />
<br />
7.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "I'd like to have my associate look at you."<br />
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.<br />
<br />
8.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."<br />
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.<br />
<br />
9.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."<br />
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.<br />
<br />
10.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "This may smart a little."<br />
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.<br />
<br />
11.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"<br />
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?<br />
<br />
12.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "This should fix you up."<br />
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.<br />
<br />
13.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"<br />
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...<br />
<br />
14.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."<br />
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank goodness I'm off next week.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-80988766880200571782015-02-03T19:20:00.002+00:002015-02-03T19:20:17.987+00:00Job Adverts - What they really mean<span style="font-family: inherit;">Advancement opportunity: Crap job</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Entry level: Really crap job</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No experience necessary: The mother of all crap jobs</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Administrative assistant: Crap job with a title</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Upbeat personality: Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug and alcohol rehab benefit within the first year</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Word processing skills essential: There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Public relations: Receptionist</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pleasant telephone manner: Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salary range $24,000 to $32,000: The salary is $24,000</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Will train: Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Women and minorities encouraged to apply: White males need not waste the stamp</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tons of variety: We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them into one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Top-notch communication skills: Telemarketing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Beautiful offices in attractive location: Brand new tacky, windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dedicated: You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salary commensurate: We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salary negotiable: We'll take the lowest bidder</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Competitive salary: We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not one penny more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Competitive starting salary: Ten cents above minimum wage</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pleasant atmosphere: A staff of pod people</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Self-starter: Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-37056245275384846962014-03-07T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-07T09:00:06.720+00:00Crazy facts<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> On average people fear spiders more than they do death.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Americans (as a group) on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a Poisonous spider.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies,Including their eyebrows and eyelashes.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Polar bears are left handed.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for the animal having the most taste buds.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The flea can jump 350 times its body length, It's like a human Jumping the length of a football field.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to come back as a Pig)</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Butterflies taste with their feet.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Seastars (a.k.a Starfish) don't have brains.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhNMDywnR3k/UxQpakWOzZI/AAAAAAAAMto/rh31dWcjo-4/s1600/starfish2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhNMDywnR3k/UxQpakWOzZI/AAAAAAAAMto/rh31dWcjo-4/s1600/starfish2.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-74552156135141262692014-03-06T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-06T09:00:07.091+00:00Doctor Doctor jokes - page 3<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I feel like a carrot</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Don't get yourself in a stew</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He's all right now.</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door!</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>don't worry, we'll soon pull you through</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>it depends what you are hoping for</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, Help me now! I'm getting shorter and shorter!</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just wait there and be a little patient</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>the problem is, you've become too tense</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Nonsense man, you can stop anytime</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>why not?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Try taking the spoon out first</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>oh that's very baaaaaaaad!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>pull yourselves together man</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gVwNrkk_RqU/UxQnxJXtgVI/AAAAAAAAMtc/THq1gngKP_w/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gVwNrkk_RqU/UxQnxJXtgVI/AAAAAAAAMtc/THq1gngKP_w/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" height="320" width="248" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-19932576473591444422014-03-05T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-05T09:00:00.197+00:00Puns – Page 6<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I quit gymnastics because I was tired of hanging around the bars.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He said I was average - but he was just being mean. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I didn't have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Green grocers earn a meagre celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I went to the store to buy some soup but they were out of stock.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When the head of the consulting team suggested that the canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The indecisive rower couldn't choose either oar.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm inclined to be laid back.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.</b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rCQNALXoYhM/UxQnduNUzJI/AAAAAAAAMtU/ODcE-cCNkcI/s1600/pont-neuf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rCQNALXoYhM/UxQnduNUzJI/AAAAAAAAMtU/ODcE-cCNkcI/s1600/pont-neuf.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-40779462978709780242014-03-04T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-04T09:00:01.843+00:00Funny Quotes - Page 7<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I couldn't care less about apathy.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The trouble with life is there's no background music.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He's a graduate of The Uncle Fester and Keith Moon School of hair styling.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.</b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4DPMNzO6bbs/UxQnFwq0t8I/AAAAAAAAMtM/8QhEVI6QtV8/s1600/statistics-arrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4DPMNzO6bbs/UxQnFwq0t8I/AAAAAAAAMtM/8QhEVI6QtV8/s1600/statistics-arrow.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-23598036547592209492014-03-03T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-03T09:00:11.098+00:00Flying Quotes<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>3.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>4.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>5.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>6.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>7.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> When in doubt, increase your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>8.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>9.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>10.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>11.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>12.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>13.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>14.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>15.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>16.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>17.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>18.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>19.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>20.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>21.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>22.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>23.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>24.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mPsZ0DV5S3I/UxQmujgpDFI/AAAAAAAAMtE/JG5CtF1Zs9s/s1600/1913691238_1367426636.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mPsZ0DV5S3I/UxQmujgpDFI/AAAAAAAAMtE/JG5CtF1Zs9s/s1600/1913691238_1367426636.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-35195616633496594482014-03-01T09:00:00.000+00:002014-03-01T09:00:03.717+00:00True Facts - Page 1<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Gillette spent $1,000,000 to place razor samples in the
welcome bags handed out at the Democratic National Convention, only to have
them confiscated as they were considered a threat. This caused huge delays at
all security checkpoints.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Even today, 90% of the continental <st1:country-region w:st="on">United States</st1:country-region>
is still open space or farmland.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><st1:country-region w:st="on">Iceland</st1:country-region>
consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Dogs have two sets of teeth, just like humans. They first
have 30 "puppy" teeth, then 42 adult teeth.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six
driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Only 6% of the autographs in circulation from members of the
Beatles are estimated to be real.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>90% of <st1:country-region w:st="on">Canada</st1:country-region>'s
31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the <st1:country-region w:st="on">U.S.</st1:country-region> border.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its
head.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Two 1903 paintings recently sold at auction for $590,000 -
the paintings were in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" series.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any
food.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US
Treasury.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they
were 30.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mel Gibson has personally earned almost $400,000,000 from
his movie "The Passion of the Christ".</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Author Hunter S. Thompson, who committed suicide recently,
wanted to be cremated and his ashes to be shot out of a cannon on his ranch.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A chef's hat is shaped the way it is for a reason: its shape
allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool in a hot
kitchen.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>CBS's fine for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe
malfunction" in the 2004 Super Bowl show was $550,000. This could be paid
with only 7.5 seconds of commercial time during the same Super Bowl telecast.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The Weddell seal can travel underwater for seven miles
without surfacing for air.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The largest McDonald's is in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Beijing</st1:city>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">China</st1:country-region></st1:place>
- measuring 28,000 square feet. It has twenty nine cash registers.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed
in plane crashes.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Married men change their underwear twice as often as single
men.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The Chicago Cubs are suing former Hartford Courant newspaper
carrier Mark Guthrie to get back $301,000 in pay that was intended to go to a
Cubs pitcher with the same name. The Tribune Company owns both the Hartford
Courant and the Chicago Cubs.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In <st1:country-region w:st="on">England</st1:country-region>,
in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Five years ago, 60% of all retail purchases were made with
cash or check. Now it's 50%. By 2010, 39% of purchases will be made by cash or
check.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The second Saturday in September is usually a popular time
for weddings. Not in 2004, as most couples did not want their anniversaries on
September 11.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes,
compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewellery for a loved one.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It's against the law to slam your car door in <st1:country-region w:st="on">Switzerland</st1:country-region>.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The drive-through line on opening day at the McDonald's
restaurant in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Kuwait City</st1:city>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">Kuwait</st1:country-region></st1:place> was at times seven miles
long.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Percentage of <st1:place w:st="on">Africa</st1:place> that
is wilderness: 28</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The chance that you will die on the way to buy your lottery ticket is greater than the chance of you winning the big prize in most lotteries.</b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6nnG2C608hc/Uwr4yi84shI/AAAAAAAAMKc/SYTZMKNkSWE/s1600/heart_attack_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6nnG2C608hc/Uwr4yi84shI/AAAAAAAAMKc/SYTZMKNkSWE/s1600/heart_attack_640.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-51133990939143752882014-02-28T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-28T09:00:03.910+00:00Doctor Doctor jokes - page 2<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I suggest you take the spoon out!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Please help me. I think I'm invisible</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Next Please!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I've just swallowed my mouth organ</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think I'm a bell?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think I'm a cat?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How long has this been going on?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I've got insomnia</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Is there anything wrong with my heart?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>After a thorough examination I can confidently say it will last as long as you do!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor, Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I've got wind! Can you give me something?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Yes - here's a kite!</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor Doctor</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm not well - can you give me something to make me better?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>But Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Doctor to Dumb Blonde</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Well Miss, I've discovered your problem - you are pregnant!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Oh! Is it mine?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-92P3IZDk0Zo/Uwr4Kv8QzCI/AAAAAAAAMKU/sIDR4Sp086w/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-92P3IZDk0Zo/Uwr4Kv8QzCI/AAAAAAAAMKU/sIDR4Sp086w/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" height="320" width="248" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-85591376233799598972014-02-27T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-27T09:00:00.237+00:00Funny Quotes - Page 6<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Look out for number 1, and don't step in number 2, either.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Honk if you love peace and quiet.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The gene pool could use a little chlorine.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Originality is the art of concealing your sources.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.</b></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.</b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cF2qnNZZeNc/Uwr39h4SGbI/AAAAAAAAMKM/We0_SDGvtKM/s1600/lawyer-03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cF2qnNZZeNc/Uwr39h4SGbI/AAAAAAAAMKM/We0_SDGvtKM/s1600/lawyer-03.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-13560031018381151132014-02-26T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-26T09:00:10.976+00:00Puns - Page 5<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I really do have a photographic memory -- I just haven't developed it yet.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I went to the store to buy some soup but they were out of stock.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm inclined to be laid back.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.</b></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xNaJnYe7cEQ/Uwrvgn4rfJI/AAAAAAAAMJ8/I32ZEmJCIYo/s1600/Begin-with-Boiling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xNaJnYe7cEQ/Uwrvgn4rfJI/AAAAAAAAMJ8/I32ZEmJCIYo/s1600/Begin-with-Boiling.jpg" height="186" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-6338736213470186082014-02-25T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-25T09:00:10.063+00:00Easy Riddles - Page 3<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I run around the city, but I never move. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A wall</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>They have not flesh, nor feathers, nor scales, nor bone. Yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own. What are they?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Gloves</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm the source of all emotion, but I'm caged in a white prison. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Heart</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Darkness</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Foward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A TON</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have a face, yet no senses. But I don't really care, because time is of the essence.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A clock</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My life is often a volume of grief, your help is needed to turn a new leaf. Stiff is my spine and my body is pale, but I'm always ready to tell a tale.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A book</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My maker never wants me, my buyer never uses me, my user never sees me. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A coffin</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm a busy active creature, full of mirth and play by nature; nimbly I skip from tree to tree, to get the food that's fit for me; then let me hear, if you can tell, what is my name and where I dwell!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Squirrel & tree</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I saw a man in white, he looked quite a sight. He was not old, but he stood in the cold. And when he felt the sun he started to run. Who could he be? Please answer me.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">a Snowman</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-m25B9FQfCRQ/UwrvE9PmHdI/AAAAAAAAMJ0/h_NQDDB5kT4/s1600/riddler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-m25B9FQfCRQ/UwrvE9PmHdI/AAAAAAAAMJ0/h_NQDDB5kT4/s1600/riddler.jpg" height="289" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-65701361946599620832014-02-24T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-24T09:00:12.670+00:00Silly Questions - Page 4<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why are red buttons always the most important?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How is chess considered a sport?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs? Would you die if you didn't pee?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When Atheists go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Could you be a closet claustrophobic?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Where do all the daylight savings hours go?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Can you slam a revolving door?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How young can you be, but still die of old age?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card? Can you read a picture book?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What shape is the sky?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?</b></span><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?</b></span><br />
<div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?</b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cAAGc2reb14/UwruB6r-MwI/AAAAAAAAMJs/KFKuxDwx718/s1600/Gun-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cAAGc2reb14/UwruB6r-MwI/AAAAAAAAMJs/KFKuxDwx718/s1600/Gun-007.jpg" height="192" width="320" /></a></div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-83039080979712478882014-02-20T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-20T09:00:02.795+00:00Sarcastic Quotes – Page 2<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I intend to live forever. So far, so good.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still
and look stupid.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have been complimented many times and they always
embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. B*****d?</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably
because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He never slows down to think; it's too painful to spend
times with his own thoughts.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His
reputation if He didn't.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you
here.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There
is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Do unto yourself as your neighbours do unto themselves and
look pleasant.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a
newspaper.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak
out and remove all doubt.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose
both looks like carelessness.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why was I born with such contemporaries?</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing
what he is hollering about.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you
do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was
sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a
sarcastic comment?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.</b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mYJVxjCR0ak/UwHATYqWHII/AAAAAAAALRw/SproDIvAV7s/s1600/10160328_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mYJVxjCR0ak/UwHATYqWHII/AAAAAAAALRw/SproDIvAV7s/s1600/10160328_1.jpg" height="155" width="400" /></a></div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-76205319812397050252014-02-19T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-19T09:00:07.852+00:00Doctor Doctor jokes - Page 1<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I can't stop stealing things</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Pull yourself together man!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think I'm a bridge?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What's come over you?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think I'm god?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How did that start?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In the beginning there was darkness......</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Every bone in my body aches!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just be glad you aren't a herring!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Can I have second opinion?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Of course, come back tomorrow!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think I've broken my neck?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Don't worry - keep your chin up!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use a pencil!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I find that very hard to believe!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I feel like a pack of cards?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'll deal with you later!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Do you drink a lot?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Not really - I spill most of it!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br />
Doctor, Doctor</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I feel like a spoon?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Still still and don't stir!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ha_4LtVmERs/UwG9MNNrh0I/AAAAAAAALRk/68SEyLXJ_7k/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ha_4LtVmERs/UwG9MNNrh0I/AAAAAAAALRk/68SEyLXJ_7k/s1600/Doctor_Hibbert.png" height="320" width="248" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-55550597075523575942014-02-18T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-18T09:00:06.998+00:00Puns - Page 5<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Short-order cooks in busy restaurants call themselves
'pressure cookers'.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Making up puns about the finest soil is the loess form of
humor.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It
didn't have much of a plot.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The weigh-in at the Sumo wrestling tournament was a large
scale effort.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The bridegroom got to the church when he was supposed to. He
was at the rite place at the rite time.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The race dogs got a bad case of the fleas - they had to be
scratched.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A relief map shows where the restrooms are.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>To disparage the wind is disgusting.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Reading music makes me crotchety</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I didn't have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>My mate swallowed a cordless vacuum cleaner, they took him
to hospital and he is picking up nicely. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>There was a sale at the fish market today. I went to see
what was the catch.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I told my wife I thought the electrician had said he'd be
over by noon, unless I got my wires crossed. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The patient decided against an organ transplant. Instead, he
changed his mind.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been
carrying. I'm ex-static!<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When asked whether or not I was bilingual, I was about to
say I knew sign language, but I figured it was sort of a mute point.</b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When the head of the consulting team suggested that the
canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="NoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The new smoking cessation drug is expensive, and it's
shrinking city coffers.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dDeBbNDMwMU/UwG8mIWJ41I/AAAAAAAALRY/PDIyw-zfHZU/s1600/werner-bandit-canoe-paddle-l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dDeBbNDMwMU/UwG8mIWJ41I/AAAAAAAALRY/PDIyw-zfHZU/s1600/werner-bandit-canoe-paddle-l.jpg" height="69" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-57761049546668998302014-02-17T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-17T09:00:04.931+00:00Funny Quotes - Page 5<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Dear Monday: I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry. It’s not me — it’s you.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and paid just enough money not to quit.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Some days you’re the dog , some days you’re the hydrant</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When I pose a hypothetical question, it means that I've done something extremely stupid and got myself into big trouble and am trying to get ideas on how to get out of the situation without admitting that I’m in that situation.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>likes to use words, irregardless of their existence.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I should have studied to be a counselor or psychiatrist of some sort. It’d be nice to get paid to pretend I give a crap.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Today, I’ll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A fun thing to do in the checkout line is to take one thing from the cart in front of you and see if they notice. Last week I took a baby.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>As you’re reading this, you should say to yourself, “Why am I talking to myself?”</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you see a plate of bacon running down the street screaming “HELP ME!” please return it to me. It’s totally overreacting.</b><br />
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dVFrvRTdINI/UwG7s4QuMZI/AAAAAAAALRQ/dVmCTh6fUZ4/s1600/jim_chasing_mr_bacon.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dVFrvRTdINI/UwG7s4QuMZI/AAAAAAAALRQ/dVmCTh6fUZ4/s1600/jim_chasing_mr_bacon.gif" height="320" width="273" /></a></div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-58686661555272363702014-02-15T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-15T09:00:04.744+00:00Hard Riddles - Page 2<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I was born in the 18th century, yet still live on today. Appearing on TV when I have something to say. Called everything from "honest" to a dirty rotten "crook", I used to wear a wig, but have had several looks. I've always had a party, but never disturb the neighbors. I've been shot at many times - major stories for the papers. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">The office of the President of the United States</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>No head has he but he wears a hat. No feet has he but he stands up straight. On him perhaps a fairy sat, weaving a spell one evening late!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A toadstool</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The sun bakes them, the hand breaks them, the foot treads on them, and the mouth tastes them. What are they?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Grapes</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What's long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Rhubarb</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What can touch someone once and last them a lifetime?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Love</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What demands an answer, but asks no question?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A telephone</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The higher I climb, the hotter I engage, I can not escape my crystal cage.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A thermometer</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Feed me and I live, give me a drink and I die. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Fire</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What is worse than the Devil and better than God? Dead people eat it always, live people who eat it die slowly.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Nothing</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">The word 'dozens'. Take away the 's', and you have the word 'dozen', which is twelve.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN8/t9XpAiZ0bto/s1600/riddler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN8/t9XpAiZ0bto/s1600/riddler.jpg" height="289" width="320" /></b></span></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-58663791209664455152014-02-14T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-14T09:00:04.622+00:00Not so easy riddles - Page 2<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Power enough to smash ships and crush roofs. Yet it still must fear the sun. What is it?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Ice</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>All about the house, with his lady he dances. Yet he always works, and never romances. What is he?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A broom</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mountains will crumble and temples will fall, and no man can survive its endless call. What is it?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Time</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A very pretty thing am I, fluttering in the pale-blue sky. Delicate, fragile on the wing, indeed I am a pretty thing.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A butterfly</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>To cross the water I'm the way, for water I'm above. I touch it not and, truth to say, I neither swim nor move.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A bridge</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Girl or Daughter</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have no voice and yet I speak to you, I tell of all things in the world that people do. I have leaves, but I am not a tree, I have pages, but I am not a bride or royalty. I have a spine and hinges, but I am not a man or a door, I have told you all, I cannot tell you more.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A book</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a head but never weeps?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A river</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A window</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees. Up, up it goes, and yet never grows. What is it?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A mountain</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN8/t9XpAiZ0bto/s1600/riddler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN8/t9XpAiZ0bto/s1600/riddler.jpg" height="289" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-24597017720306822262014-02-13T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-13T09:00:09.374+00:00Easy Riddles - Page 2<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Nearly bright as the sun, sometimes dark as space. Like a pearl on black velvet, with diamonds twinkling in a case. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">The moon</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A nut</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Riddle me, riddle me, what is that, over the head and under the hat?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">Hair</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A potato</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What is the moon worth?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A dollar (because it has four quarters)</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Why is a pencil like a riddle?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">It's no good without a point</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I reach for the sky, but clutch to the ground; sometimes I leave, but I am always around. What am I?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">A tree</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What is pronounced like one letter, written with three letters, and belongs to all animals?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">EYE</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space; the beginning of every end, and the end of every race?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">The letter E</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What goes up when the rain comes down?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: <span style="color: #444444;">An umbrella</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN4/3mXVkQUTfmA/s1600/riddler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HPsEq7jDXDk/UvyFgR6JzGI/AAAAAAAALN4/3mXVkQUTfmA/s1600/riddler.jpg" height="289" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2118920224395097760.post-51700903715477676282014-02-12T09:00:00.000+00:002014-02-12T09:00:04.299+00:00Why did the chicken cross the road - Page 7<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The Sphinx: You tell me.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately...and suck all the marrow out of life.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Molly Yard: It was a hen!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Henny Youngman: Take this chicken...please.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Colonel Sanders: I missed one?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ToHjYaZpnWo/UvUv_YiqS7I/AAAAAAAALLs/Sdr-Ra_1y8M/s1600/TWIP_120119_02.ss_full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ToHjYaZpnWo/UvUv_YiqS7I/AAAAAAAALLs/Sdr-Ra_1y8M/s1600/TWIP_120119_02.ss_full.jpg" height="209" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264762756061952694noreply@blogger.com0