Sunday, 17 February 2013

More Horse Jokes

Told my mate I had a hot date with an Italian Stallion - sounds a lot better than saying I'm sitting at home eating a Findus lasagne for one

Findus lasagne contains horse meat. I'd check the spaghetti bologneighs as well. 

Food scandal for vegetarians: radish found to be up to 100% horseradish

Findus fish fingers test positive for 60% seahorse.

They've only just discovered the horsemeat in lasagnes because the cheese on top was mascarpone

BBC: When asked how many years Findus have been adding horse meat to their products their MD struck the ground 6 times with his front hoof.
Put my Findus Lasagne into microwave. I took it out after 3 minutes & it still wasn't finished. I said, "I've backed you before haven't I?"

More proof that cheap food is bad for horses!

Let’s look on the brightside. At least you won’t get Mad Cow’s Disease from eating Findus Lasagne

Young pony to old mare: “Where do we go when we die Mummy?” Old Mare: “To a far-away land called Tesco. That’s where you’ll Findus

Findus Crispy Pancakes don't actually have pans in them
A survey was held by Findus which shows 85% of people don't mind horse meat in lasagne. It was a gallop poll!

Friend of mine became withdrawn and antisocial after eating Findus lasagna. Turns out he has ass burgers syndrome.
Dont see the problem with the horsemeat scandal. My son always eats findus lasagne and on his sports day he won the 100 metres by 6 lengths
Do I throw out my Findus lasagne's or not? That is the equestrian

Friday, 8 February 2013

Horse Meat Jokes.

I went to a Tesco cafĂ© yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I wanted anything on it, and I said: ‘Yes — a fiver each way.’

My daughter has always wanted a pony, so I’m buying her a Findus lasagne for her birthday

I’ve got some Tesco burgers in the fridge. But . . . THEY’RE OFFFFFFFFF!

My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National.

If you think horse meat’s bad, wait until you try Tesco’s veggie burgers. They’re made of genuine uniQuorn.

Scientist: ‘Sir, we’ve discovered horse meat in your burgers.’
Tesco boss: ‘Why the long face?’

I won’t eat Tesco burgers. They may be low in fat, but they have a very high Shergar content.

Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal’s called Only Fuel and Horses.

What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty.

A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into a breathalyser. The machine beeps.
‘I’m sorry Sir,’ says the officer. ‘You’re over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?’
‘Nothing Officer,’ replies the man. ‘Just a burger from Tesco.’
‘That explains it,’ says the policeman. ‘I knew I could smell Red Rum.’

A Findus lasagne walks into a bar. ‘A pint please.’
‘I can’t hear you,’ says the barman.
‘Sorry’ replies the lasagne. ‘I’m a little bit horse.’

I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked ‘Add to cart.’

Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony

A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her condition is said to be stable.

I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse.

Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which had the best taste.
Tesco won by a short head.