Thursday, 6 June 2013

Puns - Page 16

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.

All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.

A glide-path is a soar spot.

I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I'm not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.

To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Tired well worn expressions need to be phrased out of the language.

We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

I'm inclined to be laid back.

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.