Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Puns – Page 14

It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.

I just got my permit to harvest shrimp in the Antarctic. Now I have a licence to Krill.

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

When Peter Pan punches, they Never land.

The orthopaedist slipped outside for a break.

In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.

I hate the price of candy at the movie theatre. They're always raisinette.

I met two policemen in a lift, I realized then I was going down.

She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

When I asked the man how he became a ditch-digger, he said he just fell into it.

I really do have a photographic memory -- I just haven't developed it yet.

A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'We don't serve bacteria in this place.' The bacteria said, 'But I work here, I'm staph.'

When the head of the consulting team suggested that the canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.

I used to do balance and rotations at an auto shop. I felt like I was just spinning my wheels and decided to retire.

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.

The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Epitaphs are engraved!