1. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
2. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
3. I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my butt.
4. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
5. I bet your mother has a loud bark!
6. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
7. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
8. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
9. I thought of you all day today because I was at the zoo.
10. I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
11. I'll never forget the first time we met- although I'll keep trying.
12. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive!
13. If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
14. Learn from your parents' mistakes- use birth control!
15. Someday you will find yourself- and wish you hadn't.
16. If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used before.
17. They say that 2 heads are better than 1. In your case, 1 would have been better than none!
18. When you get to the men's room, you will see a sign that says "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
19. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
20. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
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