Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Funny Quotes – Page 12

Half the people in the world are below average.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.

Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

Remember: First you pillage then you burn.

Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world.

I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Clones are people two.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.