Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Poo list

Ghost poo
You know you've poo. There's poo on the toilet paper, but no poo in the bowl.

Teflon coated poo
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poo on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey poo
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poo leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second thought poo
You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a vein in your forehead poo
This kind is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Right now poo
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or commode choker poo
This poo is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet cheeks poo
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish poo
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo!

Snake poo
This poo is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork poo (also known as floater poo)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poo usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican food poo (also called screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

Beer drunk poo
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this poo is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the toilet. This kind of poo also usually happens at someone else's house.

The frightened turtle
The kind of poo that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The bungee poo
The kind of poo that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The ring of fire poo
The kind of poo where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The crippler
The kind of poo where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The big bobber
The kind of poo that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The incredible Hulk poo
The king of poo that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the ripper poo
The kind of poo that yanks out the hair of your butt as it pushes its way out.

The party pooper
The giant poo you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

Dirty bowl poo
The kind of poo that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The windy city poo
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poo.

Oh Poo! Poo
You poo so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH POO!

The never ending poo
It's the poo that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poo runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch that hurt poo
The type of poo that leaves you feeling like you just hopped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.