Thursday, 27 February 2014

Funny Quotes - Page 6

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"

Look out for number 1, and don't step in number 2, either.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.