When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighbourhood and one of them was a-salted.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder.
If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?
I quit gymnastics because I was tired of hanging around the bars.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.