Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and
an All-Pro offensive lineman?
A: Stage makeup.
A: Stage makeup.
Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had
quite a range at the lower end of the scale.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.
Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape?
A: The baritone.
A: The baritone.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and
a Wagnerian Tenor?
A: About 10 pounds.
A: About 10 pounds.
Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
A: When the other tenors notice.
A: When the other tenors notice.
Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that
even the other tenors could tell?
Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."
Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers
tombstones?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."
Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to
realize that he can never sing again. Person 2: Yes, but it's much more
terrible if he doesn't realize it.
Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while
performing on stage?
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I
practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.
A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? A:
None. They can't get up that high.
Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: None. Get the drummer to do it.
A: None. Get the drummer to do it.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead
of bleeding, he sings.
Q: How many sopranos does it take to sing a solo?
A: All of them. One to do it, the rest to say they can do it better.
A: All of them. One to do it, the rest to say they can do it better.
Q: How can you find the trombonist's kid on the
playground?
A: He can't swing and isn't sure what to do with the slide.
A: He can't swing and isn't sure what to do with the slide.
Q: How can you find the trumpet player's car on the
highway?
A: By the pizza delivery sign on the roof.
A: By the pizza delivery sign on the roof.
Q: How do you make a trumpet sound like a french horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
A: Put your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
Q: How do you know the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.
A: The drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Q: How do you know a drummer is at the door:
A: The knocking speeds up.
A: The knocking speeds up.
Q: What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A: The pay.
A: The pay.
Q: What do you give someone who can't play the violin?
A: A viola.
A: A viola.
Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch?
A: The ability to throw an alto saxophone in the garbage bin without hitting the rim.
A: The ability to throw an alto saxophone in the garbage bin without hitting the rim.
Q: What is the range of a trombone?
A: About 10 yards if you've got a good arm.
A: About 10 yards if you've got a good arm.
Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a
piranha?
A: Lipstick.
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do viola players keep their cases on the dash of
their car?
A: If someone thinks they're in the mob, they might get some respect.
A: If someone thinks they're in the mob, they might get some respect.
Q: Why do violin players keep their cases hidden in the
trunk of their car?
A: So no one mistakes them for viola players.
A: So no one mistakes them for viola players.
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