Monday, 30 September 2013

Musical Jokes

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? 
A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? 
A: Stage makeup.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. 
A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? 
A: The baritone.

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? 
A: About 10 pounds.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? 
A: When the other tenors notice.

Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell?

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? 
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again. Person 2: Yes, but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it.

Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage? 
A: Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? 
A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.

Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They can't get up that high.
Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: None. Get the drummer to do it.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to sing a solo? 
A: All of them. One to do it, the rest to say they can do it better.

Q: How can you find the trombonist's kid on the playground? 
A: He can't swing and isn't sure what to do with the slide.

Q: How can you find the trumpet player's car on the highway? 
A: By the pizza delivery sign on the roof.

Q: How do you make a trumpet sound like a french horn? 
A: Put your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.

Q: How do you know the stage is level? 
A: The drool comes out both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q: How do you know a drummer is at the door: 
A: The knocking speeds up.

Q: What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle? 
A: The pay.

Q: What do you give someone who can't play the violin? 
A: A viola.

Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch? 
A: The ability to throw an alto saxophone in the garbage bin without hitting the rim.

Q: What is the range of a trombone? 
A: About 10 yards if you've got a good arm.

Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a piranha? 
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why do viola players keep their cases on the dash of their car? 
A: If someone thinks they're in the mob, they might get some respect.

Q: Why do violin players keep their cases hidden in the trunk of their car? 
A: So no one mistakes them for viola players.