What do Scotsmen eat?
Tart'n'pie!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The half moon as the full moon is lighter!
What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
Oldham!
What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!
What did you get for christmas?
A mouth organ, its the best present I've ever had.
Why?
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play
it!
Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
