Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Office Rules - Page 2

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

Following the rules will not get the job done.