Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Resume CV Mistakes - Page 5

Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”

Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”

References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

Work experience: “Two years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations – a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.”

Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”

Objective: “Student today. Vice president tomarrow.”

Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”

Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring doughnuts on Friday.”

Achievements: “First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.”

Reason for leaving: “Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”

Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”

Reason for leaving last job: “Bounty hunting was outlawed in my state.”

Experience: “Any interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.”

Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”

Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”

Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”

Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”

Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.”

Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”

Accomplishments: “My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.”