You're never too old to learn something stupid.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the
Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking
ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and
think of you often.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he
said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said,
"You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said,
"Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and
be evil.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you
can't resist.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people..
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in
like a computer.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are
after it as when you are in it.
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's
almost like you're still here."
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse"
has never stepped on one.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do
some people have more than one child.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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