Thursday, 30 May 2013

Funny Quotes - Page 17

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is.

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

I was happier than a kitten with a Q-tip.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?

Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to get the automatic doors to open.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.