Monday, 27 May 2013

Rules for women - Page 1

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 

Anything you wear is fine. Really. 

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! 

Check your oil. 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 

Dogs are better than cats. 

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 

Don't make us guess. 

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) 

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. 

He's never thinking about "The Relationship." 

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.