Rules for men - Page 1

Call.

Don't lie.

Never tape any of her body parts together.

If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.

The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

"Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lardass," and "Bitch" are bad.

Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

Her cooking is excellent.

That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

Dish soap is your friend.

Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

Two words: clean socks.

Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.

Burping is not sexy.