Saturday, 4 May 2013

Puns – Page 13

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The cannibal hit man preferred take out food.

My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling.

A mathematician that couldn't stop adding up recently went incremental.

I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

My wife tells me I'm a sceptic - but I don't believe a word she says.

Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped.

I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Neil’s was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.