Monday, 6 May 2013

Sarcastic Quotes – Page 6

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.

But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a thick block of concrete!

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

A penny saved is a penny you didn't put in the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' tray, you cheap git!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

People appreciate the little things that you do for them. And that is how you prevent them from asking you to do something big.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.