Two things are infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but
expecting different results
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day
after tomorrow
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of
a dog it's too dark to read
Reality continues to ruin my life
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a
Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one
whose answers I accept
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be
necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black
eye
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it
goes away
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there
when it happens
The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius
has its limits
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that
people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it
Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all
could
I find television very educating. Every time somebody
turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book
