Sarcastic Quotes – Page 1

I'm not single, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.

When I said I'd hit that I meant with my car.

Don't you hate it when you're doing push-ups and you lose count after 1,000...

I put so much thought into your gift it's now too late to get it.

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers??

As I was filling up my petrol  tank I realized I didn't want to eat this week anyways.

Another day at work...I'm having as much fun as a colour blind person playing twister.

A police officer asked me where I was between 4 and 5? I said kindergarten.

Damn, I forgot to go to the gym yesterday! That's 10 years in a row now...

I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym...Now this whole work-out was a waste of time.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.

What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.