Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if
you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are
everywhere
The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it
belongs to the conceited. Like me
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it
down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it
You can only be young once. But you can always be
immature
Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world.
It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying
attention
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for
lunch
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it
by leaving early
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and
went mad now
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty
scarce
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than
you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it
Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in
the face
Black holes are where God divided by zero
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone
Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some
of which actually happened
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you
can fake that, you've got it made
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness
