Sunday, 26 January 2014

Puns - Page 3

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!

A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

I usually take steps to avoid elevators

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

I'm not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.