Things not to say to police - Page 1

When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......

Ask if you can see his gun.

When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

Touch him.

When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

Refer to him by his first name.

Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

When he says no, cry.

If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.

When he puts the handcuffs on, say Usually my dates buy me dinner first.

Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.

After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say Oops! That's the wrong name.

Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

When he comes up to the car, say License and registration, please right when he says it.

When he goes to read you your rights, sing La La La, I can't hear you!