Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Walks into a bar – Page 1



Two women walk into a bar - you would have thought one of them would have spotted it.

Two owls playing a game of pool - one touches a ball with his feather - the other says "Two hits" the other says "Two hits to who" !

Two men were fighting at the bar. One threw a prawn cocktail. “And that’s just for starters", he said.

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the barman for a beer. ‘I can’t serve you,’ says the barman. ‘You’re bard!’

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?"

Man, to barman, ‘Do you serve women in this place?’ Barman, ‘No. You have to bring your own.’

Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, “Here, you guys work it out.” 

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, ‘Can I get you a drink?’ Descartes replies, ‘I think not’…and disappears.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?"

An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here." And the infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host."

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre – so the barman gives her one.

A white horse walked into a bar, the barman said "we have a drink named after you" to which the horse replied what Kevin?

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance. 

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘I’d like a beer and a mop…’

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a pub. The barman says, ‘Is this some kind of joke?’

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" 

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and says to the barman, ‘Have you seen my brother?’ The barman says, ‘I don’t know. What does he look like?’

A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve neutrinos in here." The neutrino says "Naw, I was just passing through." 

A man walks into a university bar and asks the bar man "When do you finish serving?" The bar man replies, “when I get to the "g"

A man walks into a bar with a toad on his head. The bartender says "where did you get that?" The toad replied "it started out as a wart on my stomach".

A man walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm. ‘What would you like?’ asks the barman. The man replies, ‘A pint of beer and one for the road.’

a man walks into a bar with a bag on his shoulder he sits down and puts the bag on the floor, the barman says sorry you can’t leave that lying there, the man replies it’s not a lion it’s a bag