Saturday, 30 March 2013

Funny Quotes – Page 11

I'm hoping to find a cure for my hiccups, but I'm not holding my breath.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Energizer Bunny Arrested; charged with battery.

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.

He was hairier than Chewbacca dipped in Rogaine.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.

Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.

If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.