Thursday, 21 March 2013

Sarcastic Quotes – Page 3

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

My mechanic told me, I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.

A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.