Friday, 22 March 2013

Walks into a bar – Page 2


A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

A man walks into a bar and sees a cow serving behind the counter. ‘What are you staring at?’ says the cow. ‘Never seen a cow serving drinks before?’ ‘It’s not that,’ replies the man. ‘I just never thought the moose would sell this place.’

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, then discovers he has to go to the bathroom. To stop anyone stealing his drink he puts a note on it saying, ‘I spat in this beer.’ When he returns he finds another note saying, ‘So did I!’

A man walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. The bar man says "single?". The man says "no, I’m happily married, but curious"

A man walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. The bar man says "neat?". The man replies "well as tidy as you can make it"

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, ‘Why the long face?’

A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says "Higgs-Bosons aren't allowed in here." The Higgs-Boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?" 

A group of fonts walk into a bar. ‘Get out of my pub!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve your type in here.’

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman looks at him and says, ‘Did you know there’s a drink named after you?’ ‘Really?’ says the grasshopper. ‘There’s a drink called Jeremy?’

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?" 

A golf club walks into a bar and asks for a whisky. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why?" asks the golf club. And the barman says, "Because I know you"re going to be driving later!"

A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water." 

A giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry", said the barman, "We don't serve Heineken here."

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a toad on his head. ‘What the hell is that?’ asks the barman. The toad replies, ‘I don’t know – it started as a wart on my ass and grew.’

A drunk walks into a bar pulling a huge anchor chain. The bartender says, "What are you doing, dragging that huge chain into my bar?" The drunk says, "Did you ever try pushing one?"

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking' fer the man that shot my paw."

A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2."

A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, "I'm not serving you, you're out of your skull!" 

A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please, no stories!"

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’ll have a whisky and ……… soda.’ The bartender says, ‘Why the big pause?’ ‘Dunno,’ says the bear. ‘I’ve always had them.’

A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out.

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work

‘I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife.’