Funny Quotes - Page 8

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Contents may have settled out of court.

I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

We have enough youth: how about a fountain of "smart"?

I have a screwdriver in my hand. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.