Funny Quotes - Page 20

3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"

If at first you don't succeed, try left field.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

He was more tense than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Gun Control: Use both hands.

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"?

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.