Monday, 22 July 2013

Resume CV Mistakes - Page 3

Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”

Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”.

Under “job related skills” – for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”

“I am great with the pubic.”

A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

“My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”

Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”

Interests: “Gossiping.”

Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”