I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one
activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the
decency to thank her.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my
lunch?
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Good people drink good beer.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to
heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than
alcohol has taken out of me.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll
have another beer.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet
beer.
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