Friday, 12 April 2013

Puns – Page 11

Had a blood test the other day, it took a lot out of me.

A lawyer-turned-cook is a sue chef.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

I would love to axe you a question, but it wouldn't be very knife of me to interrupt you.

If chickens could choose any car at all to be given to them, they would choose a free Range Rover.

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips.

My mom ran out of poultry seasoning so she winged it.

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

I probably have blind spots, but I don't see them.

Mummies are bound to be uptight.

I get my large circumference from too much pi.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

Nuts are so expensive these days. Nearly cost you an almond a leg.

Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry.

The dress didn't feel right - it was sarong.

He had a difficult time bouncing back from his bungee cord accident.

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

I used to meditate a lot, but now I only do it every now and zen.

Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.