Monday, 29 April 2013

Funny Quotes – Page 14

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he's locked in a cage and that's all you feed him.

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside. I'm constantly bothered by bees.

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

I just got lost in thought, and it was unfamiliar territory.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

I'd like to leave this world like I came into it; screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood.

An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.

Capital punishment isn't for making examples, it's for making bad people dead.

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

The meek shall inherit the earth - after we're through with it.