If they start out with, "How are you today?"
say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and
I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my
dog just died . . . "
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them
to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where
it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there,
how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they
have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their
company for as long as necessary.
This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi,
my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and
with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief
moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the
sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak.
This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family
and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends, would you be my friend?"
If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get
out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or
her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give
your credit card number to a complete stranger.
Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
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