Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people
have.
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why
aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth
sense?
I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to
me.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the
Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
There's no future in time travel.
I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
In an argument, a woman always has the last word.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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