Saturday, 8 June 2013

Rules for women - Page 2

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! 

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 

No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 

Share the bathroom.

Share the closet. 

Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. 

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! 

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 

Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

You have enough clothes. 

You have too many shoes. 

Your brother is an idiot.